Now I've Discovered Candles

Hey, only two months this time! That's an improvement, right?

So one of my friends said "We're making candles." I said, "Okay." The ladies came over and we proceeded to decimate my kitchen.

I filled some glass containers I got at a thrift store:

And some that were a gift:

But you know me, as soon as I find a new medium I have to start screwing with it. So I saved some empty soup cans, spray painted them with white primer, then yellow Rust-Oleum, then glow-in-the-dark spray paint which turned out to be a complete disappointment - the nozzle keeps clogging, and with four layers of paint the thing barely puts out a weak glow. (Please note: This was not a Krylon product. ALWAYS USE KRYLON.) Then I stenciled on a Toxic Waste symbol and clear coat:

I filled it with melted soy wax to which I added green and yellow dye chips, then tossed in chunks of an old brown candle for realism:

Ah, the 80s! Doesn't that take you back? (If you're old.) Remember when life was simple and all we had to fear was Russia and toxic waste? Which was seemingly EVERYWHERE? Those were good times.

The tall white candle from the earlier photo wasn't quite finished:

I added the horrifying photo of two monkeys and glued some bedazzles on it. Much improved.

I am now addicted to candles, so if you have a birthday coming up, go ahead and expect one. And now for no reason at all, here's a photo of my little doodle tearing ass around the dining room:

SPRING FEVER IS GO.

Tiny Patch Vests

My memory is terrible. Very often I learn about something and then completely forget about it. Which is how I can watch the Predator a thousand times and always be surprised by the ending! And it's also what happened with inkjet printer iron-ons.

Upon rediscovering a pack of them in my sewing table, I stood completely erect and announced, "I WILL MAKE BUBBA A PATCH VEST."

I spent a couple of (work) hours on google image search collecting band logos and shrinking them down in Microsoft Word (very technical, you understand) filling several pages. I then took the file home and bullied the husband into printing it out on his inkjet printer.

While he was doing that, I designed a tiny vest shape on paper and forced poor Bubba to keep trying it on until I got one that worked. Then I cut up a pair of old jeans into a bunch of little vests and hemmed all the edges. And THEN I invited my friend to bring her rat Loki to my house for craft night so we could make tiny vests for him too! SQUEEE!!

We cut out the tiny patches and ironed them onto the tiny vests.

AHHHHH!!!! SO CUTE!!! Then I got out the Bedazzler.

AAAHHH!!! But what if Bubble wants to go to a punk show?

SO PUNK AND SO METAL!!! I also sprayed bleach on that one before I put the patches on. Oh shit, I just now decided to make him a little Vyvyan vest. And so it shall be done. But what if Loki wants to come too?

AWWWW!!! SO CUTE!! I have star studs for leather work that I put on the back too:

By the way, I kept my tack hammer near by and made sure the points were all down on the studs. Don't want the little dudes suffering for fashion.

But Bubba might want to go a little understated sometimes, like for a more formal event. Luckily Hobby Lobby carries many many many many many many many (breath) many many many different types of cross iron-on patches, which work even better upside down:

LOOK HOW TEENY MY LITTLE DOODLE USED TO BE. They grow up so fast!! Bubba now has a whole rack of little vests to suit every occasion.

I do have some sad news, and I hate to bring the room down...but sweet Loki is no longer with us. Rest in peace, little man. It was an honor to have you turd on my floor.

Diggin' Through the Pile

I'm hopefully going to be unloading tons of "art" in the name of charity. I've been digging through the house and unearthing potential sale items. It's funny how much stuff I have put on the wall or on a shelf and then ignored until it all just became part of the scenery. Here are two of the things I found.

The first is a wooden mini-coffin. These things are great! I get them at Michael's at Halloween, stockpile them, and decorate them as the mood strikes. I sprayed this one with Krylon black primer and decoupaged Fangoria stuff on it. I also have a bunch of plastic bugs which I colored with a gold sharpie and glued to the box with E-6000.

The metal "nails" are Bedazzle studs that I nailed in with a tack hammer. His eyes are Bedazzle rhinestones that I glued on.

This is just all sharpie. I hope one day to be buried in something as fine as this.

Oh yeah, I have piles of those rad little skeletons, too. I usually get them at Big Lots and they come on a rope. He's a little too tall but I was able to squish him into the coffin.

The next thing was a Barbie box/purse thing (I need to find out what these are actually called, since I'm disfiguring them on the regular.) I started it before I discovered Krylon black primer (friends, those were dark times), so I just decoupaged a bunch of Fangoria stuff on it and then colored in pink parts with sharpie. It didn't work so great:

That's some weird useless hollow rubber skull on an elastic string. I have no idea where it came from, but it reminds me of the kind of thing that one prize ticket would buy you at the counter at Showbiz Pizza.

It's just flowers and sushine over at my place! Here's the inside. I left the ribbon saying "Barbie" because I really didn't want to replace it and I figured since the sharpie wasn't working out so good I wouldn't bother trying to color it:

I lined the whole interior with red duct tape, which is sort of working but also keeps peeling up around the edges. Then I added a duct tape pocket and a Fink patch, and the requisite G.B.H sticker. So critical. And I glued in some bat trim. I need to remember where I ordered it from because that place was rad. I'll figure it out. Anyway, this thing is a hot mess so it's going cheap.

If this charity thing happens, I'll post about it so everyone can come purchase my terrible shit "art" and feel good about themselves. I like to give back to the community.

Daniel Checks In

I was hangin' with the bros last weekend, and it turns out one of them reads this blog. Ha! Who knew? That brings the sum total of my readers to two. (Hi Patti!)

Daniel had some complaints:

1. I did not give him credit for inventing the Killamari. We were all shitfaced for four days, so I can't remember who came up with it, but yeah, he probably did. So from now on I'll tag Killamari with ™ Dan The Man Industries. We'll let the SyFy lawyers take it from there.

2. Daniel claims he sent me photos of this painting that were not murky and terrible:


I see no evidence of this, therefore I will refer to the case of Spring Break v. Frat Boys, Section A, Paragraph 2: "Pics or it didn't happen, brah!!" The score is now Craftenstein - 1, Daniel - 1.

3. As much as Daniel appreciates the Vyvyan vest I made him, it is too big. I was afraid of that. I swear they left an X off that XL label. It's huge!! He asked if it's possible to tailor it, and I told him that I couldn't, but maybe a dry cleaner could because my Korean dry cleaner can sew anything. Surely Daniel could find a comparable tailor in his town. Failing that, I told him I could totally start over with a smaller vest. And failing that, he needs to rock it on top of a leather jacket.

Final Score: Craftenstein - 1, Daniel - 2.

YOU WIN THIS ROUND.
To celebrate Daniel's win, here's a video about world peace:


*sniff* I have something in my eye....

Vyvyan & Cthulhu

My brother's been asking for a Vyvyan denim vest forever. This year I decided to give it a whirl. I found the vest on ebay, got the studs from StudsandSpikes.com, powered through all my DVDs for screen shots, and made this:


That's my long-suffering husband modeling for me. Thanks, honey! My brother is bigger than my husband is, so it's a wee bit baggy. I hope it fits my brother. I know he received it, but he hasn't yet dispatched a missive from the bunker Re: Gift Satisfaction.

And if you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, watch this:


Genius. I could watch that all day.

And the holiday season wouldn't be complete without an Elder God. Here was the scene before:


And when he stopped dreaming and decided to go for a walk:


I do believe that's the last of the Xmas gifts. And now it's 2012 and I still don't have my flying car or robot servant. What a load of crap.