Gift Update

You know how I like to make stuff, wrap it up, then wait years to deliver it? Here are a few things I just managed to unload.

These were my very first two encaustics that I made at the awesome workshop in Santa Fe last year. They were supposed to be the BFF's Xmas present...until I found out the wax was technically supposed to cure for six months. So they were rescheduled as a birthday present! And you know how 90% of my friends have birthdays in March & April? I literally have five birthdays within 17 days. I need new friends.

Anyway, these are a tribute to what makes America great!

1. The American flag

2. My BFF

And 3. The Hulk drinking a grape soda.

No argument, right? That was the episode where Ricky taught the Hulk how to use a soda machine. I still can't stop crying.

Incidentally, the American flag that I used as a background was made out of super cheap polyester that lit up like a candle when I waved the propane torch near it. If you don't want folks setting fire to the flag, maybe make it out of something less flammable? Just a thought.

Up next: Beccula bought a new house, Hooray!! I made her this cross stitch as a housewarming gift, but I'm a shitty friend so I didn't see her new house for several months despite the fact that she lives like three miles from me.

Credit to the Trailer Park Boys, and special thanks to the innerwebs for the ease in which this pattern came together.

And finally: Need more proof that I'm a shitty friend? PattiDee sent me this gorgeous box AGES ago. I took photos immediately and then put the box on my mantle, absolutely intending to thank her publicly as soon as possible. And now a third of 2016 is in the rear view mirror. Sigh.

Side, top and bottom:

And the inside. Drumroll please....

HOW I WISH I HAD THAT POWER. #lifegoals Thank you, PattiDee for this gorgeous box!!

In closing, and I know this will be an enormous shock: I still have two Xmas presents to hand out. I KNOW SO SHOCKING. So I can't expunge that pile yet. In the meantime, I'll be in the garage lighting flags on fire. Peace out.

Embroidered Horror

Lest you think I now spend all my time juicing (not true -- half my time is at the farmer's market buying more carrots), I have managed to squeeze in a few birthday gifts. One I can't show because it hasn't been delivered yet, but this one was finally delivered, I think only a month or two late!

BEHOLD NYARLATHOTEP OOPS I MEAN AVERT YOUR EYES

Of course out of all the Lovecraftian Great Old Ones my buddy has to pick the one that's "faceless and indescribable." Thanks, Champ! Luckily google image search coughed up some ideas, so I chose the most evil looking one and transferred him to the fabric. Unfortunately the image stopped around mid-calf and I had to BS the feet, which I did by sort of taking a consensus of the other representative feet in the search. They seemed to agree that giant claws were the way to go, and who am I to argue? Finally I added the homespun border around the edge because I thought it just looked naked.

Thank you to all the internet nerds that made this gift possible. Without you, I am nothing. XOXO

More Embroidery

A few more embroidery projects in the pile:

This is my last Great Big Postcard swap entry, chronologically last and also the last one that I will ever submit because this is the second year in a row that I have received nothing in return, nor seen a hint that my postcard was received. So that's it for me. Patti, did you get anything? [Edit: I see that you did. Congrats!]

The theme this time was "Celebrate":

This video is in my Top Ten Reasons The Internet Kicks Ass:

And the joke was on me because I had that song stuck in my head for two weeks.

One of my gym buddies is a secret LotR nerd, and she loves Legos. So her son buys her the huge LotR Lego sets for Xmas, and she excitedly builds them and takes photos, then disassembles them. She was showing off her latest Lego photos to me one day and I told her how jealous my husband would be if he saw them. She said, "You want it?" I said, "Are you kidding?" She totally gave the set to me.

The night I brought it home I walked in the house and just silently held up the box. My husband froze, gaped at the box, pointed, and in a cautiously optimistic tone said, "Is that.....IN there??" Turns out he knows I'm a complete shit, and would totally have just taken an empty "Battle of Helm's Deep" box and filled it with oranges because I am a horrible person. I said "Yes it is. Now make that face again so I can show her a photo."

After I took a shot of him gaping, he told me how expensive it was. Sweet Holy Sauron!! I decided right then that I had to make her a thank-you gift. So I google image searched LotR maps and made this:

Check out the dope scroll frame I got at either Hobby Lobby or Joannes, I can't remember. I think Hobby Lobby:

Just the wood part -- the metal poles on either side are my door-mounted folding ironing board, simultaneously the greatest AND worst thing ever invented.

I made this for my friend Sara's birthday. I can't take credit for the pattern because it was pre-printed on the pillow case:

(There's the ironing board again. We fight a lot, but I can't quit it.)

Here's where you can purchase the pillow cover:

Sublime Stitching Mark Allen Pillow Cover

I stuck to the suggested colors, then added her name and a lot of beads. The raccoon now looks like he's part fly:

And check out these guys:

I'm pleased with how the flowers came out:

If Jenny Hart checks her linkbacks and finds this, I have a message for her:

1. I love you, Jenny Hart.

2. Thank you for teaching me how to make a perfect french knot. You should have seen the bullshit I was producing before I read your book. An affront to god, that's what they were. Please know that you have touched my life.

Now everyone go buy stuff from her. Oh damn, I just saw the Loteria patterns. BRB y'all.

N.U.T.S.A.C. Rolls Deep

My paramilitary assclownery organization Got Real for last year's Dragon*Con because I decided it was high time for official gear. When did I decide this? I think like three weeks out from the Con. Why? Because that is the way of N.U.T.S.A.C.

Working my fingers to the bone, I somehow managed to hand embroider all of these Agent patches in the nick of time:

It seems I failed to take a photo of the patch I made for 2012 N.U.T.S.A.C. Rookie of the Year, Agent Chili Bowl. Well, it looks pretty much the same.

And for the Wingmen:

Viper is our Four Star Wingman, being that he is the only sober adult member of the organization. Viper suffers, friends. Please keep him in your thoughts.

Iceman heads up our International Wingman Division, and earns his Three Stars providing on-call Wingman support to the UK. Iceman keeps our borders safe from intoxicated Brits, is what I'm telling you. VERRRRY intoxicated Brits.

And of course N.U.T.S.A.C. would not even exist without Cougar, whose ready supply of bail money and diplomacy keeps my Co-CEO on the streets. She suffers, friends. Please keep her in your thoughts. (I also failed to photograph Wingman Slider's patch, AKA Agent Poopstuff. Poopstuff is proving himself to be a solid Wingman, and an asset to the organization.)

We needed something to sew these Official Patches to, so I (again, like a week out) painted us up some vests. Here they are in action:

I didn't get a chance to paint Mopey's. RIP little dude. :(

AND I MADE BUBBA A LITTLE VEST!!!!

I thought I had a better photo of it, but I had to work quickly because he was clawing my friend's shirt off. N.U.T.S.A.C. REPRAZENT!!

Xmas Embroidery

No, I haven't finished handing out last year's Xmas presents yet. Don't be crazy. But the ones I have left were purchased, not made, so I am safe! Hooray! Here's what KC/DC received:

This is a quote from Joan Jett embroidered on linen, and all I have done since is whine about it. Linen sure moves around a lot while you work with it, and no mistakes are tolerated. Not sure I'll do that again. I would not have survived Pioneer Times.

I made this for my hairdresser:

I started with "Mid-Century Girls Pattern Set" from Cherry & Cinnamon that I found on etsy, but I needed more heads so I traced some that I found on google. Then my husband sketched a scissor and comb and I added those, and the names. And it's stapled around a bizarre wooden frame that I got at TJ Maxx and from which I removed and promptly destroyed whatever sappy sentiment was originally attached.

Also from Cherry & Cinnamon:

Aren't these great? The whole Firefly set is adorable. I should go back and do the rest.

Who here hasn't seen "The Room"? If you raised your hand, I must insist that you drop whatever you're doing right now and see it immediately. You will thank me. And these will make sense.

Well...you know, sort of:

And I meant to crop those photos square, but time is of the essence!!

If you embroider, you should know about Jenny Hart and Sublime Stitching. I have made many a purchase. Go ahead, check it out. I'll wait.

One of the fine ladies in our craft group did a big supply purge and gave the rest of the group a TON of stuff. Actually mostly just me. I took most of it. So to thank her, I made her a little gift based on a pattern from this Jenny Hart book, "Embroidered Effects":

There's wire edging the banner, the knife hilt, and the point of the blade, and I stapled the whole thing around a teeny canvas panel so she can hang it on the wall.

And THEN, based on THAT pattern, I made Becca a thank you gift for checking up on Beelzebubba while we were out of town:

DAWWWWW!! That's almost as cute as my little Bubbles!! Sweet doodle.

I'm gonna go home right now and kiss him on his scaly little head.

April Foolishness

I'm working on more benefit stuff with the BFF. He sent me a partial manifesto which I have been mining for projects such as this:

...and this...

These are the rough drafts. I like the way muslin looks, but I don't like how the floss shows through from the back. I bought some new fabric that I hope won't have the same issue.

The BFF's Manifesto is also being mined for a glorious secret project that is currently in the works. SQUEE!! I'm very excited about that. And I hope it does not break me financially. We shall see.

Yeah, so Gaby's birthday! I made her a bracelet out of lyrics to "Clan in da Front" by Wu-Tang Clan, one of her favorite rap songs, which I cleverly gleaned by asking her, "What is your favorite rap song?"

I practiced first by making myself a bracelet with the lyrics to "Let the Devil In" by Sargeist:

I also made Gaby a trophy she can proudly display in her office:

Everyone at work will know that she is not to be trifled with. Oh, and that backwards "3" in "2013" was unintentional. I am a dumbass.

I put the bracelet in this gold box:

And stuck that gold box and the trophy and all the other crap I gave her into this gift box on which I spray painted a hot pink chimp:

...the stencil for which I got out of the Stencil 101 book. I'm slowly stenciling everything in my house with chimps. It seems like the proper course of action.

Valentine's Day!

Look at the beautiful surprise Valentine I got in the mail from Pattidee:

I love it!! Thank you!! So...they make Elvis rubber stamps? I will have to look into this.

The ladies and I had a successful evening of Pornentines last night! Of course I cannot post the photos. Please believe they are filthy. Hooray!

In other news, I have finished another batch of Dragon*Con survival patches. Oops, one is kind of NSFW -- let me go censor that right quick...

That's better. So the one on the left represents the self-indulgent weirdness we witnessed with the werewolf group. Top right is for my bro and his buddy who, due to over-packed elevators, regularly had to climb 22 flights of stairs to get to their hotel room. They're young! It's good for them! (We hopefully will not have the same problem this year.) And the third is for surviving four days of PB with no J sandwiches. Dragon*Con is a marathon wrapped in a Death March wrapped in a frat house. It is not for the weak!! LONG LIVE THE CON!!

Let's see, what else have I been doing...I made a 2 disc black metal compilation for a friend of mine consisting of all Finnish bands. Of course I had to create appropriately bleak packaging, which I constructed out of poster board spray painted with my beloved Krylon black primer. Then I used a white Prismacolor pencil to draw a fake K-Tel cover, the shape of Finland, Shatraug, and the grim forest from the cover of the Horna album "Hiidentorni."

We had an old can of spray fixative, like really old, that I sprayed over the whole thing to keep it from rubbing off. I took a big chance with that stuff, and it did come out kind of blotchy, but I think it adds to the grymness of the whole thing.

However, it will not stay closed, so I added an elastic ribbon that came on a box of totally awesome chocolates from my friend's company, go buy some now:

Awwww. How cute! I'm not trying to brag or nothin', but this compilation kicks so much ass that it blew out a lightbulb in the ceiling fan of our den while I was listening to it. Finland FTW.

Being a huge fan of Shatraug and all the projects he's involved in, I spilled over with exuberant glee following the Horna show last year. To which the BFF offered this response:

So touching.... If you'll excuse me, I have something in my eye!! *sniff*

Stealth Mode

This is the time of year when I'm working furiously on Top Secret Xmas Projects that CANNOT BE REVEALED until after delivery. Sometimes delivery happens in February. Or June. So it's gonna be quiet around here for a while.

But as usual I have a couple of things leftover. My neighbor keeps making delicious desserts and bringing them to my house. She is awesome. I told her that when I'm on my deathbed, all I will need is her oreo truffles. (A morphine drip would be rad too.) The last thing she brought over was four very delicious pumpkin cupcakes. My husband is lucky he even got to eat one of them. I made my neighbor this gift to encourage her to keep the desserts coming:

Dragon*Con this year was particularly successful for N.U.T.S.A.C. My brother and I decided that our greatest Con achievements should be commemorated in patch form. We documented said achievements, and I have been busily working on embroidering these patches. Xmas is a huge hurdle so I had to put them on hold, but I sent over the patches that I had finished so that he may begin learning how to sew them on to whatever he's going to sew them on. I have purchased a denim jacket, removed the sleeves, and studded it up in preparation for N.U.T.S.A.C. Achievement Glory. Here's the ones I've finished so far: (They are taking FOREVER.)

Here's something I'm kind of proud of. I bought that metal stamping kit and started making keychains, such as this one for the BFF:

This has been good practice for the Grand Plan. You see, thrift stores are full of old trophies. Most have a football player or golfer or something mounted on top, making them fairly specified. But I found a couple that I decided had real potential and I picked them up for later. My plan was to have new plates engraved, until I found out how much engraving costs. Eff that. So then I found out you could engrave with a dremel! I love my dremel! But my handwriting is abysmal. Strike Two. Then I bought this stamping set. So I've been practicing with these keyrings to get better and neater with the lettering. I decided I was ready to try it for real.

This award was for Brittany or Taylor getting straight As or something. She was so excited to get the award that I picked it up at Goodwill for $2. It turns out that those fancy brass plates are held on the awards with regular old double stick tape. No shit. So I peeled it off, dremeled the same size plate out of a blank metal sheet, and rechristened it:

Hammering the metal letters causes the metal sheet to pucker a bit and the ensuing reflection on the letters makes them hard to read. So I decided to rub some black acrylic paint into the letters and wipe away the surface paint to make it easier to read.

The BFF's son has really earned his keep this year. But I'd rather not put his name out on the interwebs, so I blurred it. Congratulations, PBBPBPBMMMBM!! (PS - If there's anyone out there that knows PBBPBPBMMMBM, this is a secret until Xmas. I just feel like bragging now. So keep it quiet.)

I am excited at the result because I have at least two more awards at home that are getting rechristened. And I am going back on the hunt for more. YAY for metal stamping!!