Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Product Spotlight: SHIPADICK

Friends! Today I bring you the most fantastic news! Prepare to be amazed and delighted!

Back before xmas after a long day at work, I arrived home to find a strange package at the door of the Underground Bunker. It was rather large and flat, and felt like cardboard. I had recently told the Cowboy that I might need a giant cardboard standup of him to put up in my cube at work, to keep this one dude from humping my leg all the time. I thought maybe he had actually done it. Then I noticed a sticker on the wrapping:

Mmm...still possible. I would definitely fondle that standup. (Apologies for the condition of the wrapping -- I actually dug it out of the trash afterwards for the pic.) Imagine my surprise when instead I found this:

A 29" cardboard dick! How wonderful! And on the back:

So glorious! Of course my BFF was 100% to blame for this. Thanks, BFF! But what powers were behind this magical item? I found an explanation:

Mr. Dick is such a gentleman! I blurred out the coupon code because I'm not sure Mr. Dick would appreciate me just willy-nilly handing it out. (Willy...tee hee...SWIDT)

If you would like to spread your own 29" of cardboard joy, you can!! And there are so many other options! Check them out here:

Ship A Dick: Send a giant cardboard dick to anyone, Anonymously!

I think the Merry Christmas dick was a special for the holiday season, and I'm guessing they run different specials throughout the year. I don't know because I don't work for them, and I'm not being paid to promote this. I am just happy they're out there in the world. *sniff*

Ship A Dick is 100% N.U.T.S.A.C. Approved. Thanks, Ship A Dick!

Monday, March 19, 2018

More Leather Notebooks AKA Thanks Again, Ian!

I checked my previous notebook post to make sure I hadn't posted these two notebooks I made, but hooray I neglected this for a whole year so I didn't!

I made the Cowboy a notebook cover for some damn reason, I can't remember what that was. But again I turned to the pattern I purchased from Leodis Leather.

Many different notebook sizes are included with this pattern. Last time I made one of the smaller ones, this time I made the larger size, I think the Large Cahier (13x21cm) but I have no measurements with me because my patterns are at home. Perhaps I will remember to put them in later. Anyhoo, I combined Ian's pattern with this photo that was in the Tandy flier:

and came up with this:

The detail on that skull and crossbones stamp leaves a little to be desired. I tried to carve a mouth for the dude with arguable success.

I put the Cowboy's initials on the inside back flap and screwed up the T:

Looks super terrible close up. Luckily I did better on the front cover:

The basketweave stamp is time-consuming but totally worth it. I did the whole back, and haha I forgot I did those crossed pistols:

The pistols also have disappointing detail. I carved those out a bit too. They probably work better on thinner leather.

I mentioned in a previous post that I kept a kind of weak pseudo-journal of my first year in Utah. This is the notebook cover I made for that, using the same pattern as above. I'll just toss the photos out:

I require that all notebooks for myself MUST have a pen holder. I made this one by punching two holes, soaking the leather, and leaving a pen in the slot while it dried so that it would case into the proper shape:

And last but not least:

Brings a tear to the eye. *sniff

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Still Cutting

I like to invest in the wafer thin dies that I know I will use over and over again, and of course that means they must hold potential for ass-clownery. I liked the looks of the fortune cookie die from Ellen Hutson. Here's what I've done with it:

Still working that address stamper I found at the walmarks. It is the besssst. And you can't really tell in that shot but I accented the tear with a shimmer pen. So touching.

Jennifer McGuire is the ne plus ultra of card makers. In one of her videos she shows an example of a card she turned into a pull-tab by slicing and dicing wherever she wants because she is a magician. She inspired me to put a pull-tab in behind this tree:

I've always joked that I'm amassing all the crafting skills for the day I finally Voltron all of them into a single project. Card making might be that project. Cards are basically smaller, faster mixed media projects, and I'm having a blast. I can't stop!

Yesterday I had to use a stock photo of the Spellbinders Platinum6 die cutter because I couldn't find the picture I took of my own. I reshot it last night, and here it is!

So we need to talk about these cats:

The artist is Hillzart and you can find her on etsy and instagram. I met her at Craftlake City 2017 and bought a pile of stuff from her, including this plaque hanging on the inside of my front door:

It is a helpful reminder that no matter how reassuring the creatures around you seem to be, you're still going to end up decapitated with your severed hand frozen in the thumbs-up position for all eternity.

Sweet dreams!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Die Cutting the N.U.T.S.A.C. Way

I watch entirely too many card making videos. And those folks love them some die cutting. I resisted! I said to myself, "Self? You don't need another damn tool." And I was right. So I fought! I stood firm! But ultimately my desperate need of new outlets for ass-clownery was too great, and I caved. Standing in the papercraft aisle of a really huge Michael's, I dialed up Amazon on my phone for price comparisons and reviews. Michael's must have heard of Amazon before, because their prices exactly matched! So I bought the Spellbinders Platinum 6:

As I mentioned previously, it's a medium-sized die cutter, but it's big enough for my needs. So I bought it along with some standard die cutting shapes -- a set each of circles, rectangles and stars. I might have also got a "Thanks" die at that time, I can't remember. But that was enough to get me started. I have since added more sentiment sets, a few more shapes, a couple alphabets, and a set of frame borders. I only buy the dies that I know I can use over and over again. And I haven't gotten too much into the embossing folders because it doesn't hold much interest for me. But I like die cutting.

Once again I am sad that I can't show the birthday stuff! But here's some other cards I have made

I also love, love heat embossing. Guys, I just have to take a second to acknowledge that it is drizzling here in SLC, and everyone is FREAKING OUT. One coworker said, "Oh! It's raining really hard out there..." I said, "Really?" and went to the window. Guys, the SIDEWALK IS STILL DRY. HAHAHAAHHA!! During any given seven day period in Atlanta, it will rain at least twice. Guaranteed. These people would not survive. I am laughing super hard at them.


This is where the die cutter really shines for me because my handwriting is ABYSMAL.

I admire how savage those two little girls are. They are not fucking around.

You knew black metal was imminent. Okay, I'm going to wrap this up so I can go laugh at the desert people some more. But please believe their driving is not funny at all. They can't drive when it's dry, Dark Lord help us all when it's "raining really hard." *SHUDDER* Please keep me in your thoughts during my commute home. :(

Friday, March 9, 2018

Shitty Picnic and One Card

"Shitty Picnic" is a specialty of mine, comprised of only the finest ingredients I currently have in my refrigerator when the Cowboy randomly stops by between shifts. Tonight we have cheese curds, a green apple, white mushrooms, red seedless grapes, and Laughing Dog Brewery cream ales. I wish I had remembered the good crackers in the cabinet, but that's the magic of Shitty Picnic! You just never know how shitty each one will be. Hooray!

As far as crafting, last night I only managed one card. But it took all my energy and I'm kind of proud of it:

One day soon I need to do a full report on my die cutting/embossing machine. I have the Spellbinders PLATINUM6. It's small, but it's enough for my purposes and I dig it.

Also I need to talk about how excellent embossing powders are. I'll do that once I get caught up on the backlog.

For now, I have to get another cream ale and make stuff. Peace out.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Leatha Update: Part One

Lest I lose the title of Shittiest Vegetarian Ever, it's high time for a leather update!

Factory Job is grueling to the soul and the hands. Word got out that I "make stuff," so one lady asked if I could please make her some finger guards so she would quit stabbing herself. I have lots of scrap leather lying around, so I came up with this:

That guy's adorableness broke the floodgates and the requests started pouring in. Some wanted the whole finger covered, and some wanted to be able to still use their fingertips:

One lady requested horses:

And I asked her to pose for an Action Shot:

But out of all the finger guards, I think this guy is my favorite:

How dope is he?? Everyone announced that they also wanted sharks and I announced that was too damn bad because 1) they already had their requests in, and 2) I was out of shiny silver scrap leather. Sit the hell down.

I've done several other leather projects, enough for a Part Two and possibly a Part Three. In related news, my Tandy Gold Membership expired, and when I renewed they upped me to Elite! That's right Salt Lake, I am Very Important. Look upon me, and BE DISMAYED. #shittyvegetarian

Friday, March 2, 2018

Still With The Leftovers

...because I can't talk about what I'm working on NOW because it's all for BIRTHDAYS which is really ANNOYING. So here's some more stuff I've piled up.

The Cowboy collected this big piece of rusted metal for me during our road trip to Seattle:

[Excellent cropping.] The base is a weird flat wooden thing with its own frame attached. I tore out the fabric that was glued to the center, sanded and painted the background, then attached the metal using self-leveling pouring medium. I wasn't sure it would hold because the metal is heavy, but so far so good. I also made a little neck support out of clay that I wedged under the metal.

While I was in a leafing mood, I decoupaged this photo to a thin little wooden plaque, then gold leafed the edges:

Found some stacks of meat, decoupaged them to a mini canvas:

Made a fabulous card for the BFF and used it as an excuse to practice using silver embossing powder:

Boy is that some sloppy garbage. I promise I have improved. Even though I can't TALK ABOUT IT because BIRTHDAYS. >:( This next one is from a past birthday:

Also I bought a die cutter which has come in very, very handy. More on that later.

Here's another early die cutting and embossing experiment, along with some washi tape and shitty ink blending:

The BFF is so lucky to have me.

And last but never least, since I'm bitching about another grueling birthday season, KC/DC sent me this for my birthday last year:

HOORAY KING! He has a permanent home on my fridge, thanks to two of the Gorgoroth buttons that I glued magnets to the back of. I also have Horna, G.B.H and some Hellraiser. Thanks again, E-6000!

Back to the mountain of birthday projects...