Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Even More Fartwork

These paintings are ready for the Farty Arty Party:

For those of you not familiar with my Deep Art Process, I found this in a thrift store and decided it needed a rubber duck in it. For some reason this duck looked really sinister, so I gave him demon eyes.


Guess what I added to this one?


Did you guess right? How about this one?


You're good. But you'll never guess this next one:

Geez, you kill a box of wine and all of a sudden swamp creatures are staring into your soul. Is no one safe?

These next two were donated by the artist, one Jodi Rose. I stared at them for probably a couple of years before I realized what was missing. Behold:

How hunky is that Poseidon? Hell yeah. If Jodi wants these back now, she will have to pay me millions of dollars. That's right, MILLIONS. (Jodi, if these sell, I'm gonna subtract the framing cost and split the monstrous profits with you. If it doesn't, Wilson is getting them for Xmas.)

Here are a couple of ceramics that will be looking for a loving home:

When I hold up one of these ceramics to my husband and he says "UUGH! GROSS!" I know I'm on the right track. The next one merely creeped him out, which is also a good sign:

Incidentally, this is what dry brushing on ceramic does to a paint brush:

Some gave all, all gave some. RIP little buddy.

See you guys at the FAP FAP! Come eat a hot dog!


Saturday, June 15, 2013

Jewelry with a Message

I've had these letter beads forever, and I decided to put them to use.

First up, a tribute to the sadist that is nearest and dearest to my heart -- Pinhead!

If I could have fit "IT'S A WASTE OF GOOD SUFFERING" I would have, but that's a pretty long bracelet. The second one is my favorite line from the movie "Point Break," again paraphrased for length. The full line goes something like "Oh yeah, Pappas? Oh yeah? Well, why don't you astonish me, Shitface!?!" So touching. Brings a tear to my eye every time I hear it.

Next up is a quote from one of my personal heroes, Emperor Palpatine:

This touches me so deeply that I made an extra for myself. Such an inspiration.

These bracelets have magnetic clasps, and others have the toggle type. But none have that screw clasp because SCREW THAT! Amirite?? *rimshot* That junk is too hard to do one-handed, so it can kiss my ass.

I don't remember where I got this quote. Maybe someone can tell me? But I connected with it immediately and made a note of it:


If you work in a cubicle, you know what I'm talking about.

For the more discriminating cinephile, I offer the following two items:


Again, I wish I could have done "WELCOME TO ANARCHY 99," but these sets don't have numbers so I had to spell it out, thus making it way too long. Bummer. Also a bummer, the shameful number of times I have watched "XXX". Also a bummer, the fact that I own it on DVD. Also a bummer, the fact that I'm singing "Feuer Frei" in my head right now and thinking about watching that garbage again. Marton Csokas, your Eurotrash cheese completes me.

ANYWAY, back to this -- I know it's the poor carpenter that blames his tools, but while I'm complaining about my tools, this Hello Kitty set is cashed. I used very creative spelling to cobble this together:


Also I ran out of Ts, so "butt" only gets one. And for some reason the flip side of that T is printed upside down, unintentionally giving it a whole other Satanic dimension.

I took a gander at what remains of the silver square beads and for some reason I had a pile of Os and Is, so I made this very small one:


If you remember what that is, Congratulations! You are old. :(

This would fit the wrist of a small child that never knew the terror and night sweats brought on by vigilant Noid Avoiding. How I envy them their innocence...


Pinhead is such a wordsmith, no? I could quote him all day if I weren't dangerously close to running out of vowels.

And last but not least, do you need a gift for that special someone? Look no further:


The husband didn't know where that quote was from, so I'll give you a hint, that way you don't have to google "sucks cocks" again at work:


These lovely items vary in length depending on the quote. And they will all be for sale at the Farty Arty Party in a week! Come on down and get a hot dog!


Thursday, June 13, 2013

More Fart

In my continuing effort to bring Fart to the people, here are a few more things that will be available at the Farty Party:


I could paint King all day. I might do one with the newer makeup.


I googled "clown painting" and of course one of the first things to pop up is Gacy. Bless you, internets. Never change.


This one is called "He Does Cocaine."

Add in the Dee Snider painting from earlier:


...and we're calling this the Face Paint series. My husband suggested that title after I announced, "it's sort of a clown series, but KING DIAMOND IS NO CLOWN. HELP ME." Thank you, dear.

I'm cranking out the Fart, people. (My brother points out that Shit + Art = Shart. He makes a good point. I'm keeping that in the holster for later.) I am also working on some bracelets, since the craft group is meeting tonight and bracelets are the one portable project in my life right now. Everything else involves paint and this box of Malbec I'm working my way through. Best to keep that spectacle in my own house.

Come to the Farty Party!


Don't forget, there will be:


Saturday, June 8, 2013


With heartfelt apologies to my beloved Scorpions:


Though, frankly, they kind of owe us all an apology for those shorts. I added the sunglasses to save them further embarrassment. Anyhoo, I have decided to have a yard sale consisting of junk from our house and also my terrible art. Also hot dogs and beer!


It's going to be centrally located at KC/DC's house, and I'm not putting her address here, holla at me if you want to know where to bring all your piles of awesome money.

The following terrible shit "arts" will be at the sale:


I still have this damned thing:


Ha. Not sure if I'll drag that along or not. I have also done a Bride of Pig Butcher but haven't taken a photo yet because my house is like a cave, but I'll try to do that this weekend. Ditto for another Alien Angel.

[Edit: Here they are...]


That chalkboard says "NEXT" but you can erase and write whatever you want.

I have at least one other ceramic girl I'm working on, and I will have lots more paintings. And at least one bracelet, but I'm afraid I might run out of time to make more so don't quote me on that.

[Edit: And last night Absolut had me painting a fake Gacy in miniature. I still have two weeks and a full bar... :( ]

In addition to all of this Farty Art, we have a couple of small tables, my husband's old stereo, the old surround sound, and whatever else I can rustle up (read: convince the husband he will never put on ebay, so get it out of my house now please) will be priced to move!! So come on down! And feel free to bring all types of money -- we bought a card reader! Hooray plastic money!!

See you there!

Ketchup Time

Geez, I have a lot of leftover projects piled up. Let's see...

My English friends received their baby gift, so I can finally post that. Of course I loaded up the baby with Redskins gear (still don't know the gender, doesn't matter. Go Skins!) and USA onesies, and of course a knit devil hat. Then I purchased two blank cross-stitch bibs at Hobby Lobby, and decided this is probably what English babies are thinking all the time:

And I couldn't help this one:

So is the new Flickr layout going to stay this anus-clenchingly horrible forever, or will they revert back to the old one? It sucks so bad I can't form words right now.

I made this at my husband's request:


In metal stamping news, I switched out the badge on my bracelet, mostly just to see if I could do it. I could, so this gives my bracelet a whole new dimension. It will be like those crappy roadside arrow-shaped marquees advertising Bud Light, changing at my whim!


It says "IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO WATAIN." For those of you that don't know, this is Watain:

Specifically, please deliver me to the blood-soaked demon on the left. KTHX

I was finally able to deliver the BFF's Birthday Magic, and part of it included this award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Patriotism:


Is that thing magnificent or what? It weighs a ton. I cut the metal plaque with my dremel and tried to replicate the specific shape, then hammered the words into the plaque and doublestick taped it on. He's earned all that and more.

One last random thing and then I'll close this one out. In Piloxing class (yep, pilates + kickboxing...) we wear these half-pound hand weight gloves. I decided mine didn't kick enough ass, so I studded them out.


That's right. FEAR ME.