Thursday, May 10, 2012

Putting the "F" in BFF

The BFF has been known to produce genius work under the influence. The morning after a Halloween party, I found this on my counter:

He does not remember drawing this. I have since laminated it. (With my awesome laminator. That I love.) Which was a good idea, because now I can slap some vellum on top of it, trace it out, stick some carbon paper under the vellum, trace it onto fabric I had lying around, embroider it, and make it into this pillow:


With this pom-pom fringe:


Then to thwart his inevitable copyright violation lawsuit (which he immediately, and predictably, threatened upon receiving these photos), I preemptively added his name to the tag:


HA. Screw you, BFF! But O, that's not the only artwork he has gifted me. It's all over the house:


Also similarly laminated with my awesome laminator, and similarly converted to an embroidery pattern:


Here is the matched set, flanking the Macho King:

I have piles of his artwork, but I don't really want to fill the whole house with throw pillows. I'm lining up some other ideas for where best to exhibit the BFF's genius. However, I have mentioned to him that maybe once in a while he could drunkenly scrawl some art that faces to the right? If it's not too much trouble.


I would like to point out that this whole project was made possible by the blessing of Craft Supply Hoarding. Of course I had enough fabric -- plus pom-pom fringe, plus stuffing -- lying around the house to create two throw pillows on the spur of the moment. I did actually go purchase carbon paper ($17 for 100 sheets at Staples) and the stylus (which was like $1.50 or something at Joann's), but everything else was hoarded. I try to keep it reasonable, like I don't want to end up on a reality show when they find my body decomposing under a pile of glue sticks. But I totally amass these things because I need to be able to execute these stupid ideas immediately or I go nuts. So you heard it here first: HOARDING PAYS. The End.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Monkey Box

I never took a before shot of this box either. I think I have the fantasy in my head that I am so super-organized and thorough that when I finally decide how to alter something, I will immediately reach for the camera to begin the Art Process. Which never, ever, ever, ever happens, so I don't know why I continue harbouring this delusion. What I normally do is stare at something for a month, then have an idea, grab it, and run full bore into the garage to coat it in primer, perhaps stopping to prep the area with newspaper first. PERHAPS.

Anyhoo, the following was a box covered in Winnie the Pooh whatnots that I found at a yard sale. It was oh-so-twee and adorable! Then I covered it with black acrylic paint. Then I bought this:


(Here's the link on Amazon.) Basically nothing in my house has been safe since I purchased this book. I took two of the stencils and combined them into this:


I covered the whole thing with a few coats of spray varnish, and I painted the inside with pink acrylic:


So far so good on that. I wondered if it would totally reek, but it's been okay. I should probably open it every once in a while to vent the cancerous gasses while it settles down. But it's been alright.

I left the handle brown because it's vinyl and I don't know of a way to color it without making the whole thing gummy. I'd rather have it the wrong color than have it be sticky and gross forever. Plus the brown looks more official, like maybe I have important legal documents in my monkey box.

One other thing I found at the thrift store on Saturday (when I found the clown previous) was this bizarre canvas painting of a brick wall:

The perspective on this thing is weird. Pretty much the whole thing is weird. But I decided that from now on, everyone that comes to my house has to graffiti the wall. I've already added a small monkey head stencil, and the husband wrote "OH NO!" Ultimately it will be festooned with dicks and fart jokes, as my friends are asshats. So this will probably be the last time the internet ever sees it.

By the way, even though it seems like I've been really productive lately, let me assure you that none of these things are on my running list of projects that need completing. I guess I'll get back to those eventually.

L'il Spaulding

I found a great (read: hideous) ceramic clown bank at the thrift store on Saturday. The great part is that he was already primed in a coating of matte paint colored somewhere between pus yellow and sea foam green. What was the original plan here? I have no idea. But luckily they never glazed him, because if those things have any kind of glaze on them all hope is lost. I immediately took him into the garage and covered him with Krylon black spray primer. So no before photo. (I'm sure you're shocked.) I stared at him for a while trying to decide how to most bring out his valuable terrifying clown assets.

Then I had a vision:

Captain spaulding original-739552

Which turned into this:


I figure even Captain Spaulding had to start somewhere, right? So here he is, fresh out of Clown College, eager to begin clowning and selling chicken. All those hopes and dreams!


My husband saw him during the varnishing stage and said, "That looks like the clown from that horrible movie you like." Which is no less than a ringing endorsement for the execution, as my husband has never and will never watch that movie due to the fact that he has nightmares when he hears even the title of it. SO YAY ME. I guess I pulled that one off.