I mean, if one of my ladies is weaving baskets out of grass, and another is building a fence out of sticks with her bare hands while at the same time canning all of her own food, what am I offering to this Future Utopian Compound?? Not much, that's for sure.
I love knives, and my yard is full of sticks because we are super shitty at lawn maintenance. So I decided that I was going to whittle!! I did some poking around and was pleasantly surprised to discover how many whittling enthusiasts there are swapping info online. I figured they would be too busy whittlin' and choppin' and growin' beards to learn about the innerwebs. Luckily for me, they were not.
The Practical Old Dude Consensus on whittlin' knives led me to Opinel. I got this beauty for $12.49:
But they offer personalized engraving for 5 bucks!
SQUEEEEE!! Elsewhere I acquired a couple of Practical Old Dude whittling books, a sharpening stone and oil, a strop, and bless the Youtube denizens for instructional sharpening videos. My Opinel sharpened and ready, I dove right in.
Perfection. Time to gloat.
After mastering the spreader, I moved on to Santa pencils. I don't have any red pencils, so mine are more just dudes with long beards.
Hands of a seasoned lumberjack.
Next up was the "Five Minute Owl" that in my expert hands took a mere two hours to complete:
I painted him black and then dry brushed red on top of that. Now it is impossible to tell the difference between my Two Hour Owl and an ancient artifact. Absolutely stunning.
I now feel that I may proudly hold my head up at the Future Utopian Compound. But first I have to whittle a pile of wizard pencils for the demanding husband. A whittler's work is never done...