Friday, June 15, 2012

Beaver & Dee & SJP

A friend of mine works on a metal zine called Chips & Beer which also employs a brilliant illustrator named Beaver. I am currently using Beaver's illustration of GG Allin taking a shit on an album as the lock screen on my phone, which I won't trouble you with here.

Issue #3 of Chips & Beer, the current issue as of this writing, contains the following Beaver illustration:


No, you're absolutely right, it is Dee Snider brushing Sarah Jessica Parker's hair. You are not imagining that. And I can't tell you how pleased I was to see this; it actually filled a little hole in my heart that I didn't know existed. And I decided I couldn't just let it lie there on the page, hidden from the world! I felt compelled to embroider this commemorative pillow:


Incidentally, the chair in that photo is exactly that color. It is not this color, taken seconds later with the same light source:


I seriously give up on the lighting in my house. Anyhoo, I added Beaver's name to my tag so he gets full credit, and I'm mailing it to my friend as a surprise gift. He should get it today or tomorrow, and I am boldly posting this early despite the totally realistic chance that my internet fame will blow the surprise. Call me crazy.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

"Damn You Krabs, I Went To College!"

I found a thrift store near my house that I haven't visited before, so I stopped in one day. It was kind of junky but I can always manage to find something in these places. This is a weird tote bag that has a reversible fabric liner inside, covered with a generic photo of the beach:


The back side of this is white, and the inside is denim. Predictably, the plastic part was filled with cat hair, and there were some noticeable scratches on it, but I cleaned it out with soap and water and threw the liner in the washing machine. Then I began the process of staring at it until something came to me.

In the meantime, I finally grew out of my Elvis tote bag (I have tote bags all over the house) that I use for my drumming stuff. So I bought a $5 canvas tote bag at Hobby Lobby and decided to cover it with patches. I dug out my patch collection, and lo and behold, I totally forgot I had some of these! I slapped them on the liner and decided I liked how it looked, so I ironed the new ones and glued the old ones. Voila:

Spongebob has spotted the skeleton-babe and, equally torn between fear and lust, has been driven to madness. Patrick's just glad to be outside and hasn't yet noticed that it's bat country.

If you look closely you can see a halo around the skeleton-babe shaped like an iron. That's because I thought "Well she's the same length, so I won't risk moving the iron around, I'll just hold it in one place for like thirty seconds on high heat. What could possibly go wrong?" I had hoped that the plastic liner would sort of obscure the burn, but judging by this photo, it won't. Therefore I have decided that it's an iron-shaped inter-dimensional portal that Plankton has rigged up to teleport the skeleton-babe into Bikini Bottom in the hope that he will break Spongebob and finally learn the recipe to the Krabby Patty. Of course he will fail spectacularly.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Moar Zombies

My brother is into gore, and he and his wife watch True Blood and all that other stuff. So when her birthday rolled around this year I decided to embroider some special tea towels for her kitchen. (Of course I decided this totally at the very last minute, and they were delivered late.)

This pattern hasn't changed in 400 years.


Awww, how sweet!!








Awww. I can't stay mad at zombie kittens. I hope she liked them, because I haven't heard anything. Cross your fingers for me.

[Edit: Oh hey guess what, I found out why I haven't heard anything: I checked my mail yesterday to find the gift has been returned to me. They changed apartments about four days before I mailed it, so rather than forwarding it to the new place by, say, walking across the parking lot, the PO decided to go ahead and print their new address on a label, stick it to the package, and then send the whole thing back to Georgia. Because that was way easier. I'm reshipping today. Don't even get me started on the USPS.][Edit: She got it!]

I have a couple other embroidery projects that I can't share yet because they won't be delivered until mid-July, one project that I'll probably finish this weekend and will post after I mail it, and another that won't be delivered until Xmas, so you can forget me ever remembering to post that one.

Oh, ha! I forgot about this. We went to an outdoor concert on Memorial Day and I was lamenting not having a big straw hat to ward off the horrible, horrible sun. So before we went to Monster Bash this weekend I bought a $5 hat at Publix. But I doctored it up for the Heavy Metal Parking Lot meetup:

Here it is hanging on my Kuntry Koat Rack:

And here it is in action at the frost-bitten Blashyrkh Drive In:


I wish frost-bitten. Anyway the vodka watermelon that Heavy Metal Parking Lot is decimating in the background was frost-bitten. As was my Yuengling. Hails!