Blatant Product Shilling

Look what I ordered:

Personalized matchbooks! Can you believe it?? The innerwebs is truly divine! I ordered them here: eFavorMart.com They are wonderful and I am totally satisfied, but if you order your own matches do plan ahead, because it took one day shy of three weeks to receive the order. They warn you on the site, and they're not kidding.

Naturally the website is mostly aimed at bridezillas and party planners. (For instance, I wish they had a more varied assortment of icons to choose from, such as a goat head or pentagram...I had to settle for the anchor.) But the beauty of capitalism, combined with automated ordering systems, is that, as long as you pay them, companies will print WHATEVER YOU WANT!! It's glorious!!

--Wait, did I even post about the rubber stamps I ordered? Holy shit. RubberStamps.net. Write it down. Bookmark it. Memorize it. You can thank me later.

I may have mentioned that my second favorite movie of all time is Top Secret! Number One being, of course, the Predator. Top Secret makes liberal use of rubber stamp jokes. First off the logo is this:

I had this made:

I think I could have added rounded corners, I can't remember. But the square corners were cheaper and good enough for me. It does help to be married to a graphic designer that speaks Font because he was able to jump right to the ones I needed. But you can poke around and do it the long way if you don't have free access to a nerd.

Now that stamp is really cool...but my fondest wish was to own this one:

What a time saver this stamp would be! But surely no one would be soulless enough to actually allow me to place the order?!?

RubberStamps.net is that soulless. BEHOLD:

BEHOLD MY SHITTY PHOTO because I can't find a better one right now. As soon as I received it I stamped all our bills and any loose paper I could find. It is the greatest thing I have ever owned.

While committing your pearls of wisdom to rubber immortality, be sure to check the clearance bin -- when I placed my order the Classified stamps were on sale. There's another line where you can add whatever you like. I liked this:

Also check this out:

SO LEGIT.

Oh my god, one more thing about stamps. This is what happens when I go a year between posts. You owe it to yourself to get this address stamper:

Link: Address Stamp Kit

I KNOW, IT'S AT WALMART. LET ME FINISH. It's actually a fully customizable mini letterpress that comes with two different sets of letters and I think it was like $12. You can use it to do things like this:

You see what I mean?? The possibilities are endless! The product appears to be in-store only, so choke down your soul, wear a ball cap and sunglasses if you have to, just get down to the Walmarks office supply section ASAP. You will not regret it.

Alright, I need to wrap up this giant product shill:

So in the future, I will be returning to eFavorMart.com probably for the spools of ribbon, definitely for more matches, and for who knows what else because they basically have everything. And poor RubberStamps.net will continue to take my abuse as long as I wish it.

I commend these heroes, and others, for repeatedly turning the other cheek while I manipulate them in my acts of civil disobedience, slap them on the ass, and leave the money on the dresser.

Hush now, dry your tears -- it's all for the greater good...