My company recently relocated to a new building and left us IT folks here to die in the old one. We've reverted to a feral state, wearing only tattered rags and eating what we find, burning broken office furniture for warmth.
But the worst part is that with the Company Morale Pep Squad gone, no one is here to maintain the Associate of the Month wall! I heroically took it upon myself to shine a light in the darkness, restore dignity to the break room, and honor the great people that make a difference!
January
You'll note that they also took away our color printers. A wise move.
February
March
The Hamburglar had the glory almost within his reach, but Mr. Spock's untimely demise knocked the brass ring right out of his little red mitt. Sorry buddy! RIP Mr. Spock. :(
I realize that the Associate of the Month wall might at first glance appear to be unfairly dominated by white males. However, I will argue that the Macho Man is technically orange, and also possibly (at times) a cross-dresser, while Mr. Spock is a Jewish Vulcan who is sometimes green or yellow or like a muddy beige depending on the season. Therefore a rich rainbow of colors and races are actually represented! Though it is true that a woman has not yet been thusly honored.
The wall on which these plaques are displayed is scheduled for demolition soon. If this demolition does not occur by April 1 [Update: it did], I vow to shove the Hamburglar's larcenous ass to the ground for another month and finally recognize one of the many women that make this nation great! (Unless the Hamburglar is a woman? Do we know for sure?) This one is for equality!! [Update: And then the Hamburglar went hipster in retaliation. I did not know I had such power. Sorry everyone...]
Friends, my time with the conch shell is ending, so I will sign off. It's my turn to gather old business cards and empty Lean Cuisine boxes for the fire pit. Please keep us in your thoughts during this difficult time.
OVER & OUT
**END FIELD REPORT**
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