Xmas 2017 AKA This Is What Happens When I Don't Post For A Year

The first Xmas at the Underground Bunker was a magical time! It is rather "cozy" in there, but luckily I found a pre-lit 4' tree at Michael's that perfectly wedges between the mantel/shelf/thing and the low ceiling. I usually stick to my hard and fast rule that nothing Xmas goes up until after Thanksgiving. But I wanted to make sure I would have time to return the tree if the lights didn't work, so my Xmas decorating overlapped with my annual Hellraiser marathon:

I can't remember if I found this guy at Michael's or Target. I think maybe Target:

Okay, I might have modified him a bit...and he became my tree topper! So cute. Special thanks to Ex-BIL Mike for gifting me some pentagrams he printed off a 3-D printer. Hail Satan! Hooray!

During a particularly successful Craft Night a few years ago, one of the ladies said to me, "I have a bunch of bones in the back of my car. Do you want them?" Um, yes. Yes I do. I hung onto them forever, and this past Xmas I decided it was time to cover them in silver leaf and wire them up as ornaments. Unfortunately I guess I misplaced the close up shot I took. So here they are on the tree:

They look much better and shinier in person. I'll try to take a better pic this year. I also got one of those tubes of plain white balls (that's what she said) and improved them with a Sharpie:

That's leftover silver leaf on my hands. It's messy, y'all.

While I had the silver leaf stuck all over my body, I decided to alter a skull given to me by my Surrogate Mom. She had covered the skull with beads, but I thought it should be solid silver like a helmet, so I leafed over the beads:

I'm still debating whether I want to do a black wash over it, or add another layer of leaf, or leave it alone. I go back and forth.

N.U.T.S.A.C. Brother Cody received an Officially Sanctioned Nana for Xmas:

He immediately saluted her and asked her for guidance:

I made this for a coworker, and he sent over this photo of his lovely tree:

I think that about wraps it up. Anything to add, Julia?

I guess not. Merry Xmas, Every One!

Widowna Spyder And Other News

Compared to Hotlanta, Utah has zero bugs. It is awesome! But the Basement Bunker does get random ants during the "warm" periods when the temp gets over like 35 degrees. The latest Bunker issue is flying ants. For the record, I don't care for them. So I did not question why they disappeared. One day I looked under my bathroom sink:

Behold Widowna Spyder, the black widow! I named her after the Cowboy's Hollywood girlfriend so he won't kill her. He is a little uncomfortable, mostly with the fact that she's been there for two weeks and I only mentioned it last night. Keep eating those flying ants, girlfriend! And please don't give birth to a million babies. Thanks.

Continuing to sort through the rubble, let's see what randomness is lurking around...

I bought this cow skull on our trip to Moab, then covered it in chalkboard paint:

These were my xmas cards:

A little fold-out stand on the back allows it to perch on your shelf for eternity so you never ever have reason to throw it away. [Incidentally, Utah's shape is really useful for crafting.]

There's a dairy here that produces some terrible shit called Rootbeer Milk. It tastes just like those tiny rootbeer hard candies, but only for 1.5 seconds, and then the weird chemical taste kicks in. The Cowboy looovves it. Here's how I feel about it:

I cross stitched the t-rex pattern from the Greatest Cross Stitch Book Ever Written, Makato's Cross-Stitch Super Collection, using glow-in-the-dark floss which looks very impressive when you hold it directly on a lightbulb for like 2 whole minutes:

I hung on to it, and then when I moved here I kept seeing billboards for Utahraptor, so I knew what had to be done:

Do not credit Makato for that masterful lettering. That's all me.

And last but not least, here's N.U.T.S.A.C. Brother Cody running a Car Cookies clinic last summer in the parking lot:

His car smelled delicious for the rest of the week. Line forms to the left, ladies! You know you love a man that can bake. *SWOON*

Okay Yeah, So.....

One year ago I nuked my whole life and moved to Utah. Why Utah, you ask? Mostly because my beloved New Mexico has zero jobs, and my company has a lab in Salt Lake City that I could transfer to. Why nuke my whole life, you ask? That's a way longer story and you'd have to buy me a lot of drinks to hear it. So let's just skip that.

Before I left, Beccula helped me have a massive yardsale, and a guy bought my whole inventory of sharts! He is a blessing!! I hope that guy either makes a killing, or has the biggest bonfire ever. I wish him all the best.

And I have not stopped making stuff. One bit of news is that after spending most of my life being terrified of watercolors, I bought a set of liquid watercolors and some paper at Smith's, which is the out-West version of Kroger, except kind of combined with a Target, because Smith's pretty much has EVERYTHING YOU COULD EVER WANT. So I've been doing some shitty watercoloring:

There's more, but as anyone that spends any time over here knows, March/April is Hell Month for birthdays, so I can't show the rest until after they're delivered. I painted a Manbaby:

A couple of guest checks:

I made this little guy with clay and a plastic bat and a doll head:

Painted some gourds like tittays:

And I've made some official N.U.T.S.A.C. Sharts such as this:

The flowers really make the piece. We will miss you, Nana Rat-Thing! I embroidered a couple of birthday cards:

And found out why so many encaustic artists live out west:

Because the wax melts and dries LIKE GLASS. Oh my god, if it wasn't 29 degrees outside right now, I'd be out in my yard slinging wax and putting in my resignation at work. This particular piece is the mighty Bonneville Salt Flats which is simply the bleakest, most magical place I've ever been in my life:

I beaded a bracelet too, but I can't find the pic right now because I'm still sorting through the rubble. I'll post that later. Maybe I won't wait a whole year!

I have been to Zion, Moab, the Mighty Salt Flats, fired an AK in the desert which was funner'n'hell, hiked up a waterfall, seen a gas station camel, eaten a lot of cheese curds, and drank a lot of 3.2% beer. Utah is weird, y'all. But so far it suits me. I think I'll stay here a while.

(Special thanks to PattiDee for the commemorative card accurately depicting my new apartment.)